Tags
animal care, animal welfare, calving, cattle, dairy, deadstock, farming, livestock
There is an empty calf bottle sitting in my milk house. It is not because I forgot to fill it. It is because I lost a calf this morning. You’d think that I’d be used to it by now because every livestock farmer has had it happen from time to time. Like my dad always told me, “when you raise livestock, you also will have deadstock”. The truth is that you never really get used to it. Bringing new life into the world is a privilege that isn’t taken lightly by farmers. This morning’s early calving was no exception.
I knew that it was Dorito’s first calf and my instincts knew that she needed assistance. The calf was very much alive while I gently checked to see if it was in the proper position. However, my hope for a healthy calf faded as I carefully help deliver Dorito’s calf into the world. All the signs of life that I had just seen moments ago were gone. I used all the tricks that any farmer would do to try and revive it. I even gave it CPR by blowing in its nose and pushing on its chest. To my surprise it did take a few short breaths before passing on, but it was too late to save it. The milk truck was arriving in an hour so I had to carry on with the morning milking even though I was still shaking with adrenalin from the calving and the loss of the calf. As I milked, I looked back to the calving pen and watched the mother instinctivly lick her dead calf. I was half hoping to see the calf miraculously spring back to life from those loving licks, but it was not to be.
The calf was not sired by a fancy bull and her mother was just an average cow, but she would have been cared for just the same as any other animal on our farm. PETA would like you to think that farmers don’t care about their animals and all that we care about it profit. I assure you that on most farms this is not the case. Yes my cows provide me with a livelihood, but they are more than just milking cows. I can trace every cow back to my grandfather’s original herd of cows that he got from his parents. There are mothers, daughters, sisters and grandmothers from the same family milking in our herd. I know each cow’s unique personality and I promise you that they are all respected and loved.
Perhaps I am too sensitive to be a farmer and I shouldn’t have taken this tragedy so hard. I feel like I want to quit my job and do something different. However, the more that I think about it, compassion and sensitivity are probably good traits for a farmer to have. It’s probably time to quit farming when you stop feeling sad at the loss of an animal. My calf’s death does not compare to the death of a person or even a pet, but as a farmer I took a quiet oath to nurture life on my farm at all times. I feel like I let this little calf down even though there was nothing that I could have done differently to change the outcome. After milking, I will bury my calf in the corn field and say a little prayer. I am sorry that I couldn’t save you little calf. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust……
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Farmer Tim 
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it says a lot about the person you are that you still react this way to death… even if it’s a big part of your livelihood.
Did you name her?
Hi Elizabeth. My kids named her Celeste. I am sorry for the slow reply. I hardly ever fire up the computer and I can’t reply to these messages on my phone. Take care, Tim
Understand completely, it is the hardest part of farming loss of life, but the most rewarding part when things go well.
Not only is it disappointing to lose the calf but it’s heartbreaking to watch the mom hover for days in the area she gave birth calling for her calf. We have beef cattle so the experienced moms are used to having a little follower for the next 7 or 8 months.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST TIM. MY CONDOLENCES TO YOUR ON THE LOSS OF THE LITTLE ONE. IT IS TRULY A GIFT TO BE A CARING AND SENSITIVE FARMER AND NEVER LOSE THAT PLEASE. PETA SUCKS. YES, I SAID THAT. THEY HAVE NO IDEA AND MOST LIKELY NEVER WILL “GET” WHAT WE AS FARMERS AND ANIMALS LOVERS ARE ALL ABOUT.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR HERD.
Thanks Michele! That made my day 🙂
It is comforting to know that farmers who are compassionate about their animals is not a rarity. I am an Animal Science graduate, and have been through kidding seasons with Boer Goats, foaling with donkeys, and watching a new cria come into the world with alpacas. It is so important that these farm animals lead the best lives possible, and I want to thank you for caring about your animals and being a compassionate farmer. Feel free to take a look at my blog kristinascritters.wordpress.com. It is an animal welfare and advocacy blog that may have some topics of interest to you in the future(: it is not extreme by any means, and stories like yours are very inspiring.
As a fellow An Sci grad, thanks for your kind comments and efforts as an agvocate. I will definitely check out your blog! Thanks again 🙂
Thank you for your beautiful post. I am not a farmer now but grew up on a dairy farm. It is a tough pill to swallow when your animals are sick or you lose one. There is a deep and concerning care for the animals you keep. A very heartfelt post.
Thanks Tracey. I really appreciate your comments 🙂
Farmer Tim, most all of us in agriculture go through this at some time with the same feelings of loss. When one of our children lost an animal, I just had to reassure myself that this was preparing them for life. When I sat in a stall holding a grand champion show cow’s head as she took her last breaths, or in the middle of my kitchen floor holding a newborn calf as it passed on, I cried as I gave them permission to leave if they needed. I thanked them for their time with us, and realized my children were experiencing the circle of life, I also vowed to try even harder when the next animal was ill.
I appreciate what you expressed as the human and humane side of all of us who are stewards of the land and caretakers of our animals. Please keep posting your heartfelt and honest assessments of life and a livelihood.
Farmer Freda
p.s. it is 92* here in Florida today, and we would love some of your weather!
Thanks Freda. Thankfully the number of lives saved and brought into the world outnumbers the losses. I think that farm kids are lucky that they get to experience the joy of life on a farm, but also that they understand the meaning of death at an early age. Enjoy your weather. It’s sunny and 8C here today, but it was -3C last night. Winter is not far away.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss : (
I was wondering if you could take a moment and answer a question I have had for about a month or so now…
Can a mom cow nurse a calf while laying down? If not why, and what would happen if attempted? Thank you for your time.
Blessings,
Lana
Hi Lana. When a cow is laying down, her body usually covers most if not all of her udder so there is no access for the calf to the teats. Also, a calf’s instinct is to look upwards for the cow’s udder while standing up. They tend to bunt upwards to stimulate milk flow from their mother. It takes a while to break this habit when I train them to drink from a pail. I’m not sure why a calf would need to nurse from a cow that’s laying down. I hope that helps.
Oh ya, if attempted, the cow might be annoyed and stand up, or she might let it happen. It all depends on the personality of the cow. I’m sure it’s wouldn’t happen very often. Gravity also helps with suckling and milk flow into the calf when they stand.
I read ur accounting of ashes to ashes and when I got to the end I had tears in my eyes. I share all ur feeling to a T !! In the last year I have fallen in love with cows by visiting milking farms in my area ( NY). Cows r such gentle animals. Thank u for being such a caring man.
I was raised on a dairy farm as well. My dad loved his cows and he took extreme care of them. He would feel such sorrow when he lost any cow regardless of the circumstances. My dad showed cattle at fairs, was a judge at fairs as well. He would know the lineage of his cows as well. A loss of life is felt when living on the farm whether a cow or even a barn cat. it helps children to understand compassion towards others and was a life learning experience I have tried to pass on to my children and grandchildren.
Awe…that’s so eloquently written. And so sad, sorry for the loss of your calf. I know that that’s heartbreaking for farmers and PETA should taken a break and back off.
I was raised with goats, but my feelings are the same. It hurts very much to lose any of the animals. You can tell yourself for days that you did everything you could have, but you just can’t shake the feeling that the loss was your fault. I completely understand. Bless you for this post and thank you. I am so so sorry for your loss, but I am glad your momma cow is alive.
Thanks for putting your feelings into words. I understand.
We raise goats. We strive for no losses from kidding and come closer some years than others. Every death is a personal insult and we do the should have, would have, what went wrong litany every time an animal dies. Currently there are three old does in the herd (two 15 year olds and one 13 year old) and we dread the day one or more of them dies. I am sorry for your loss. It is especially sad that a young animal does not have the opportunity to grown and develop. We are farmers who care, as do you.
What an eloquent post!
Losing an animal (particularly a newborn) is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.
Yesterday, I found a dead lamb when I was doing chores. She had been a perfect specimen just hours before. Our suspicion is that one of the bigger animals laid on her. While there was nothing we could have done, it still hurt…and colored our outlook for the entire afternoon.
Thanks for sharing. I am glad to see that you are continuing to keep the faith and farm on. This is a hard life…but, oh, so very rewarding.
We need to all support one another! Best to you.
What a touching story about life and the challenges and joys of being a farmer. I wish more people understood what goes into that bottle of milk they so easily open. Thanks for sharing.
beautiful sentiment. I understand.
im a beef farmer calving season has started for me no matter how many you have I never get use to one dieing at birth u waite 285 days to watch one stop breathing. they are all our children in one way or another
Loosing get a life is never easy. So sorry for your loss and the mourning of the mother.
We just lost one of our mothers, and the calf in her uterus. It hits the heart every time and it hurts. From one farmer to another, I send my hugs.
I am refreshed to hear your reaction to this sweet creature’s loss. As an animal rights person – PETA is a double edged sword. They are great at bringing awareness but sometimes go to an opposite extreme and spread false information. While they do show some ugly truth to LARGE dairy industry types, i would love to be able to find how to purchase milk from farmers such as yourself where the animals are treated better. I have stopped buying milk as it’s hard to tell which ones are the real monsters. 😦 Thank you for loving them!
This has happened to us many times over the years and it never gets easier! It is hard to watch the cow who lost her calf! They love those babies. I always feel honored when the y let me take care of them and they stand and rub their head against me! They trust me and my husband and it is hard not to be able to fix it! We try to take extra care with mama until she moves on!
Tim
Losing any calf for us as dairy persons is a tragedy but it does happen. Of course you always question yourself “What did I do wrong?” Or “should I have helped sooner”
There never any real answers. My late daughter Maggie ( 2001-2014) knew this at an early age as she wrote about it in her Grade 6 poem “I Am ” telling who and what she was as a “strong and helpful farm girl” In her poem another line talked about understanding that a calf could die while being born. The sad thing is that the PETA’s and animal rights folks will never understand how we as dairy farmers feel when these things happen. They don’t want to know this about us. Thank you for describing it in such a revealing thoughtful way. Thank you
Thank you for sharing.
It’s very sad when you loose an animal. I raise chickens, rabbits and turkeys on our small farm just for our own consumption and it’s always sad when a chick or kit dies. I try my best to save them but a lot of the time there’s nothing I can’t do, there are always losses and it’s always sad. It also infuriates me that organizations like PETA and so many vegans make out that farmers are all cruel, evil bastards that abuse and torcher their animals, which couldn’t be further from the truth! Not saying that animal abuse doesn’t happen but they take the worst footage of animal cruelty and imply that all farming is like that and all animals are being “torchard, raped and abused” for food. Vegan propoganda at its worst!